1 The Notebook
"You're always projecting onto me. For the last time, you didn’t shoot me. I will not break and shatter into a million pieces when we disagree. I will not run away. I don’t self-medicate or look to other men to fill a void. I didn’t have your baby." Julia's voice had an urgency to it, a plea of sorts. She told him. "Let it go, Jay."
"It's not that simple, Julia." He stood, arms folded over his chest, leaning against the basement door.
"When you're with Ray, do you bother him about the past and all the terrible things Chess ever did?" She raised her voice. "No, then in the context of us, Jayson Keller, let it go."
"Julia, I-"
"It's been weeks of this behavior, Jayson. I have had every possible kind of discussion with you. Know what you miss? Someone taking care of everything. I'm not your mom. I am not your problem solver. I am not your chef or the laundry lady or babysitter or the nurse. At the end of the day, when everything else is done, I won't be your whore either."
"No one said-It wasn't like that."
"It was exactly like that." Julia yelled. "I witnessed it, Jayson. For a little while I was forced to live that, Jayson. It's exhausting, Jayson. Add in a full-time job and all these kids. Tarin, Shy. Tatia."
"Tavin is their guardian."
She huffed and sat in a chair. "The more you expect from me the angrier I get. I have no outlet other than smoking Tavin's cigarettes, which you also criticize and complain about. But the stench of pot drifts around and I am supposed to be ok with it." She paused, glanced at the fridge. "I understand why she self-medicated."
She stood and opened the fridge. Wine coolers. A six pack of them left over from the get together she didn't want. But they'd surprised her with one anyway. Chess and Jesslyn, Ray and Candace, Kelly joined them. Alex and Julia, too. Children were all being sat by grandparents. They had a family weekend like the old days. Cards, drinks, pizza and wings and conversation around the kitchen table. She felt overwhelmed at first, worrying they were all there to mourn the true loss of Julia Morgan. But the atmosphere loosened up and it felt like old times. She felt like the visit was more of an intervention now that she was well. She'd tossed the idea of moving on. Once fully healed and back to work, she didn't want the family issues that bogged down her predecessor overtaking her life also.
Tavin made the most sense, driving home the fact that she was not a stranger. She was back to just being Julia Fry without the intrusion of the others. He reminded her that they had all bonded with her and vice versa while at the ‘fortress from hell’. They had acquainted themselves separately and as a group and grew to love her as much as they loved her counterparts. Even though she had the 9-5 and could pay her own way in the world, find a place in it and take care of herself by herself, they offered her the option of staying with them, keeping their small family complete.
Chess added his two cents along the lines of Tavin. He further added that she should not rush into anything, take her time and see where it goes. Being that she was recovering from the incident at work, she was in no shape to pack up the belongings she accumulated and head out on her own. He urged her to heal, let them help her heal and then make a decision. Privately he told her to follow her little sentimental heart. No one would judge her or her choices, and she would make the right choice, because that's what Julia Fry did best. She hadn't asked for anyone's opinion, but she received food for thought or sound advice from what used to be a boisterous and unhinged group of people who matured a little or a lot.
She pulled a drink from the pack, took her seat and started drinking it. The cold, fruity fizz went down easy.
Jayson looked very uncomfortable with the conversation. It'd been so calm and he thought they fell into a little routine that everyone seemed to agree upon. No one said anything negative and no one ever raised their voice. Nothing exciting ever happened. It was just very normal for a change.
As the weeks had passed, her wounds had healed on her back and her right leg. They were allowed to do the treatments on her left leg and that was almost healed. She could walk, still had some numbness. Therapy had been cut back to twice weekly and she regularly did her at home exercises. The major remnant of her injuries that still remained was her pink cast, names graffitied it in black marker. She'd been cleared to return to work related to the lightning incident. The following week her cast was coming off and the Ortho doc would clear her entirely to return to work. She had to pass firearms, too. He thought that triggered this outburst. She'd been in a mood all week.
"You don't want to go back to work." He accused her.
"Oh, yes I certainly do, Jayson." She needed out of the house.
"You're anxious about returning to work." He rephrased that.
"Yes, I am. Wouldn't you be?"
She finished the first wine cooler and got another. Brought the carton from the fridge and sat it on the table in front of her. He thought it odd that the person who stated she didn't self-medicate was working on her second 12-ounce Bahama mama. Tavin took that moment of silence to come home from parts unknown. He said hello, emptied his pockets onto the counter on the way toward them. He observed the wine coolers, then slid the pack of smokes down the table to her. "Glad I bought an extra pack on the way home." He told her. He moved onto the laundry room where he stripped down to his boxer briefs.
"This is another issue." Julia mumbled as Tavin stepped into the kitchen.
He eyed her sideways as he took a smoke from his pack. He lit one and handed it to her. He set the ash tray off the counter in front of her. "I see we're drinking. How many have you had?"
"One and a half." She answered, watching him as he lit his own smoke.
"What's the issue?" He asked oblivious as he helped himself to a can of soda from the fridge. "Me?"
"You're always walking around like that."
"You're welcome to walk around like this too." He smiled till he noticed she wasn't joking. He set his soda on the table and went back to the laundry room. He applied a pair of shorts. "It bothers you."
"Every single one of you is very comfortable just walking around here in your underwear."
"It's our house, Julia. We're covered."
She finished the second bottle and set it in the carton on the table. She stood up, went in the same laundry room and returned to her seat in panties and her bra.
"Oh, God no." Jay muttered.
Tavin shook his head. "You're battle scars are showing." He knew that made her uncomfortable even if they'd all been observed over the course of time.
She shrugged. "Nothing you guys haven't seen before." She glanced at Jay. "You know what I mean."
Didn't she just say she wouldn't be their whore?
Tavin fetched her little night gown from the basket in the laundry room. "Point taken. Won't happen again unless you ask nicely."
She pulled it over her head, "Same." She looked to Jay. "You don't think the flirtation is strange?"
"He's like that with every woman."
"Julia, I treat you the same way I have treated you from the day I met you. I'm not switching that up now." She was tipsy, glowing an alcohol induced shade of red. "Are you gonna melt down?" He asked. He'd been waiting weeks for this to happen.
She popped the lid off her 3rd wine cooler. "I already did."
"Should be able to do it without getting drunk first." Jay commented.
"I'm not an alcoholic, Jayson."
"Looks like it."
"What needs to be addressed since we're sitting at the table?" Tavin waited a moment in silence. "That I can handle on my end other than underwear in my own house." He paused. "I don't think I have been inappropriate. I haven't asked you for anything. You pay me money to live here, which helps me out a lot."
"She doesn't want to fill her shoes."
"You want me to be serious right now, Julia." Tavin stated. He sighed loudly. "You couldn't begin to." Tavin said quietly. "From my standpoint, you aren't mentally or physically capable of that. She was to me whatever I needed at the time. I followed that up in a similar fashion. Normally very self-serving and self-destructive." He took a swallow of soda. "Honestly I wouldn't ask you for it and I wouldn't expect you to offer it. I like us the way we are."
"What on earth?" She gasped, setting down the empty bottle. "What pair of her shoes are you thinking about? I don't own that pair, Tavin. Geeze." She sat wide eyed and surprised by his serious response.
"Well, what are you talking about then? When I think of shoes, that's where my mind goes."
"You went there of all places?"
"There isn't necessarily horizontal-in our defense."
"She meant the house wife stuff, brother." Jay said under his breath. His brother had a point, she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she got up to all her predecessor's shenanigans.
"Something's wrong with you, Tavin." She told him, shaking her head.
"Speak then. I can't fix you two. Maybe you should go to counseling?"
"Who would believe any of this?"
"Look, I think you're overthinking. You don't wanna be our servant, don't serve. You don't wanna cook dinner, don't cook. You don't wanna do something, don't do it. It's simple, really. As for you two, I can't help you there. From the very noisy sound of it, I think you two get along just fine."
"A door. We have no privacy."
"I'd like for you to move back to the basement. There's nothing wrong with your leg now. And without Jo crashing here, you two can move back where you belong. Alex can move back upstairs."
"The basement is a deal." Jay spoke up.
They sat through the remainder of the 6 pack and only scratched the surface when it came to her concerns. Feeling drunk she lost all train of thought. Tavin thought they'd need a notebook for all her demands and fears, some more valid than others. There happened to be a notebook sitting on the counter that they'd used initially to keep her appointments and her care straight. Tavin took it off the counter and declared it would be the issue book. It would stay on the table or on the counter and they'd address concerns as they came up. They all agreed.
He took himself upstairs.
"You should stop, you're gonna get sick." Jay warned her.
"Stop telling me what to do." She pointed at him and her voice was unaccusatory. He held his hands up in surrender.
"You are still a kid, Julia."
"I think that I have proved I'm more than a kid. I proved that there. I'll figure it out here. And-" She rose from her seat and sat on his lap. "You're a kid too."
"I don't feel like one. I never felt like one."
"Look, I want a clean slate. Not only with you, but with everyone. I want to get back to that place where I was at the fortress and build on that."
"You're gonna be ok."
"Yup." She nodded, feeling more confident with a six-pack flowing through her blood stream.
"We were pretty good partners."
"You're still my partner, Jay. So, if I need anything, I can always just ask, right? Just like I did there."
"Right, right." He nodded, watching her shift off the chair to her feet.
"And it'll be easier here, I think, Jay."
"Really, why's that?" He asked as she crouched and crawled under the table. "Oh, what are you doing? We're in the-"
"Shh." She giggled under the table, grasping the elastic waist band on his shorts.
Jay woke with the birds, before the sun. The first good night's sleep he had in a while. He lay awake in the dark, staring at the ceiling. He needed to get up. He needed to get himself outside and start running before the humidity set in. End of summer heat was a bitch. He tried getting out of bed, slipping over her quietly, but she stopped him. Both still nude from the night before, she let him fall between her open legs. It didn't take him long to figure out how she always got her way. Any grievance she presented that got an argument from him she solved with open legs or open mouth. She'd given him head in about every corner of the dwelling and the car. She'd gone as far as visiting him at work and taking care of him there. He was first to admit he loved to make love to her in any form she presented herself, but even he thought it was a little much. Regardless, he performed. Never one to turn away a volunteer. He feared mentioning the frequency, didn't want to sound like he was complaining. That would never be the case. She even reciprocated. God only knew what she was thinking. "What day?" He whispered, hovering as she rocked on him. There were mornings he didn't have to move. He never had a choice about the matter, but he really doubted he should be complaining. He recalled having to beg from time to time over the course of his life, so he felt like he should be welcoming this. "What day, baby?" He asked.
"Go ahead."
Go ahead...she seemed to be saying that a lot lately. Was she pushing it? Did she really even know what day it was? What calendar was she following?
"Hey, how about we get on birth control and set this calendar aside till it's necessary? You know that there's modern medicine available."
"We could wear a condom." She pointed out.
What she had against birth control, he had no idea. He knew when she told him to pull out, he fucking hated that too. He got out of bed and hit the shower quick. She never cleaned up afterward. Did she know she was supposed to? Did she have a secret cleansing device in the basement that he was unaware of? Her hygiene habits confused him. She never smelled or anything, but he thought it was weird. He had tons of questions and opinions and concerns but said nothing. He held back. He let her be.
He put his uniform on in the laundry room next to his brother.
"You alright, Jayson?" Tav asked.
He hesitated, looking past him into the kitchen. "Not really." He shrugged.
"Takes time, brother." He whispered.
"Why are we whispering?"
"She might hear us."
They left for work, but took separate cars. Both head opposite directions after work, so car pooling was not in the cards. They met at the office to accept their assignments. The morning was most noisy with the girls all arriving at the same time with the kids. They'd hired a teenager to come in and sit with them in the morning. Jay took Shy off Hayley, followed by the diaper bag. Her attitude was icy toward him. He walked away, wondering what made her try so hard for his attention all of a sudden. She ran hot and cold with him and seemed put off that he had chosen to stay with Julia.
"Have you dumped her yet, Jay?" She called after him.
"She's in a mood." Chess mentioned as Jay took a turn into his office space.
"I don't understand what her attitude is with me all of a sudden?" Jay shrugged, balancing the baby on his hip. "I don't wanna ask either."
Boxes piled up around his desk. It looked like the rest of the office space. They were already moving office buildings. Not that they'd outgrown the space, but Chess had an idea. Any idea that crossed his mind lately, he created space and made it happen. The only problem was the office was moving off Main by Shades Lake 45 minutes in the western direction. He'd procured the warehouse and it was almost done being remodeled. He'd created a daycare for the employees. Anyone that worked could tote their offspring with him or her and drop off at the door. He'd already found the staff for the daycare, and they could also bring their own kids. Kelly and Jess had their hands full with the kids and the office most days. Both complained it wasn't the place for kids now that their business had taken off and was legitimately time consuming.
Jay glanced at the assignment in his hand. "Do these people all have clearances? Certifications?"
"Yes, we won't have any issues like the last batch."
"I'm sorry." Jess hollered down the hall. "I am busy here with kids and office jobs and phone calls and assignments and packing and all the other stuff." She huffed as she arrived at the office door. "I'm also pregnant and packing up the house too and-"
"Jess, it's a lot. I realize that. Take your time. Prioritize." Chess refocused on Jayson. "So you didn't dump her yet, but did you talk her into-" Jay shook his head. He glanced at Chess as he kissed Jess' cheek. He sent her and her growing bump on her way back down the hall. "You alright, Jay?" Jay shook his head. "What do you mean no?"
"Huh, nah, I'm ok." He shrugged.
"Jay, do you need to talk to someone?" Chess asked seriously. He was a champion for mental health lately. "Is it this? Us?" Meaning the job. He lived Jay's history and looked concerned. "I can have someone see you."
Jay sat quietly. He shook his head. Then said, "Maybe later, like after work."
"Are you gonna hurt yourself or someone el-"
"No, Chess."
He held out his hand. "Gimme the assignment. I'll do it. Why are we seeing the doc?"
"I need someone to talk to."
"Jay, you're surrounded by people you can talk to."
Jay kicked the office door shut and declined handing over the assignment. "I shouldn't talk about her."
"She ok?"
"Yeah. I am too. But there's a few things that-" He hesitated again.
"Spit it out, Jayson." Chess chided him but withdrew from being too mouthy because Jay was tearing up. Jay spent 20 minutes unloading Julia and all her quirks onto Chess who sat disturbed, didn't know how to reply. "Honestly?" Jay nodded. "I'll make you the appointment. You should take her with you."
"No words of wisdom?"
"I don't know if she's waiting on you, but-" He shook his head. "Um, after...there's a routine to it. Do it for her. She likes praise, give her rewards, like a puppy if that makes sense."
Jay's jaw dropped. "I'll keep her treats next to the bed in the future." He said sarcastically.
"How about you write this down in that little book you guys got on the kitchen counter? Tavin told me about it. She's the only one writing shit in there. How about you-"
"I'm supposed to jot down, 'wash your pussy after we fuck', in our little book in the kitchen?"
"Not in so many words." He was at a loss. "What's Tav say?"
"I haven't said anything. He said, and I quote, take a page out of Chess's book and keep your private, private."
Chess eyed him. "She's ice cream."
"She insists on the calendar thanks to Jody, otherwise she told me to wear a condom."
"She was obsessed with that calendar theory. I guess it does work because she never gets pregnant."
"I'm used to a certain standard, too."
"A soul wrecking standard." Chess mumbled. "Jay, she can't be in charge. I know you're all for equality, bro, she needs to feel like she's in charge. I know how she is when she wants her way. I have fallen victim to her ways at one time." He admitted reminiscently. "Make her wait." Chess advised him. "If she wants to fuck and for some strange reason you'd prefer to jog, ask her if she knows how to play while you're away, then tell her to play." Chess paused. "Hey, have you met God yet, Jayson?"
"No. Is that something else weird she does?"
"I won't say. I don't wanna bias you. Does she have a bible? Remind her she's Christian."
"Jayson," His name was called through the speaker phone. They both startled from the intrusion. "Your group of new hires is here and accounted for."
"Has that been on the whole time?" Jay recoiled, feeling the color drain from him.
"No." Chess replied. He pressed the button on the phone. "He'll be out in a few minutes, Jesslyn." He pressed the button again and turned off the speaker. "Jay, you have to be in charge here. There's a dynamic to each relationship we create, and Julia walked all over everyone. We let her. You and little one have such similar temperaments and idealistically you work so good together. It's why I wanted her here especially after the incident. Set all that aside and step up your game. Unless you wanna move on? Do you? Because that's ok too. I told her to take her time and let her own heart figure it out. But you got your own heart too. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't."
Jay left the office with food for thought and carried a very even tempered Shy into the meeting room. He handed out a sign in sheet and then passed around the packet of paperwork that Kelly or Jess had put together. He set the diaper bag on the table and started orientation with a baby on his hip. He made introductions including that of his daughter. He allowed everyone to contribute, then focused on the packet and the outline in front of him. He continued till Shy needed a bottle, then set out to make her one, multi-tasking. Being at work took his mind off home.
After work, he tucked Shy into the car seat and drove home. She fell asleep in the car seat, so he laid her out on the sofa once inside and then got started on dinner. While waiting on dinner, he flipped through the concern book. He felt weird, but he started writing on an empty page. He wrote 3 pages out and closed the book, setting it on the counter. Julia was the journal keeper in the family, but this day he felt like writing a story of his own. He looked at the clock after dinner, and she still hadn't made it home. He set that aside in his head, trying not to think the worst of her and maintain a level of trust with the little one he couldn't have with the other. They all ate, he bathed the baby, and while he was bathing the baby his brothers took it upon themselves to read the notebook. All the pages marked in the margins in red with observations and notes that Jay had made. At the end of the pages of concerns, Jay's 3 page dissertation on life as he saw it. The words on the pages were kind and sweet as only Jay could be but burned in his own way. He left out the nastiness he'd thought, the unkind things, the negativity and focused on optimism. Everything that Chess had told him he recreated with his own flare.
A few hours passed, he cleaned up. He eventually cuddled up with Shy on the sofa and watched TV. His phone across the room, he had been busy and he didn't live with it attached to him. Unless the special tone sounded, he didn't bother looking at it. Once Shy fell asleep, he took her to Tarin's room and laid her in the crib across from Tare's toddler bed. He returned downstairs, picked up his phone and read through her text messages. Work related. She got stuck. No one showed up. He messaged he'd see her when she got home. He flipped through the concern book and thought about adding that she wouldn't get stuck at work if she had crossed over with him after the incident. Instead, he saw 2 more pages written after the 3 he had written earlier. His brothers added to the notes as well. Nothing negative. Nothing out of line.
Tavin walked in from his smoke when he read the final passages from Alex. He told him about the conversation with Chess. Remind her she's Christian in a house full of people with false Gods or none to speak of. Tavin went in the laundry room and brought out a tote bag. He handed it to Jay. "Her stuff from when she was with Chess." Jay peered in the bag. Her little bible lay in there with a notebook and some pens. A few outfits. In a smaller zip tote, he found her toy bag. He zipped it shut quickly.
"Hey, she was that guy's victim too. Why does she have that shit?"
"That guy's name was Caleb Downing." Jay mumbled.
Tav nudged his shoulder. "She consented to this."
"Must have at some point."
"But Caleb Downing-"
"Story isn't the same."
"Oh, oh good."
"It's worse." Jay said, placing her bible next to the concern book. "No one came for her or helped her. She...she escaped, then got bit and then went to the lab." Jay added for him. "One of the reasons she never left her house on the flipside and stayed hidden in the basement is they couldn't confirm that he was dead. No one knew for sure whether Downing went into a burn pile or escaped that incident. Since he was a fugitive, he either wound up in the pile or stayed on the run."
"She had to live everyday looking over her shoulder."
Jay nodded. "At least after I killed him, she could rest knowing he'd never pop up and try again someday. Here, she feels safe too. He's dead here."
"Maybe she needs to work through that with someone? Did she ever get counseling to understand or-"
"No," He answered. "She told me at the house when I was running from Stef. I know she told Chess. One of her journals got mixed up with the plans we were writing. Jo was filling in sometimes for me because...you know why. Well, Jo found it and started reading but once he figured out what it was, he gave it back." He looked sideways at his brother. "Wanna know? I'll tell you."
"Where are those journals now, Jay?"
"She burned them at the fortress when she found out Jo skimmed through it. She flipped out on both of them. The PTSD. She totally unloaded on them."
"So burning them was cathartic?"
"Could say that."
"She told you all of that after a couple days at her house on the flipside? Kinda personal."
"We got real personal at the house on the flipside. We had to talk about it. I figured if it happened to mine, then it coulda happened to her too. And it was so much fucking worse, Tavin. And knowing that he could still be out there on the flipside and Jules was out there somewhere and he coulda found her...I thought about that a lot."
"She would have slaughtered that motherfucker, Jay."
The brothers' commentary in the notebook took some time to digest. She sat at the counter with a drink with the notebook laying open in front of her. She glanced at the clock; she had to be at work in 7 hours. She didn't have time to address this now and neither did her housemates. They would in the coming days and there would have to be a series of compromises made on everyone's part. She had a small list of non-negotiables whether they agreed or not. Julia wanted a life of her own, a career, create a family dynamic that suited everyone, including her, not excluding her while undoing years' worth of what she thought were her predecessor's poor decisions. Beside the notebook was her bible. She smiled, picked it up. She felt some comfort with the weight of it in her hands. She flipped through the holy book to psalm 61.
"2 From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
3 For You have been a shelter for me,
A strong tower from the enemy.
4 I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings."
Several 16 hour days later, Julia wondered if the guys had a point about joining Chess' exterminators. She felt like all she did was sleep and work. One night, she crashed at the office in the overnight room. While she was at work, home was neglected. She hadn't and couldn't make time for her marriage or anyone else. While she wiled away her time on the clock, making fantastic money, no one reached out to her. She only stopped at the 16 hour mark when she couldn't legally work anymore. The best thing Julia and Chess could have done was setting their pay up on an hourly wage as opposed to salaried wages. If she were salaried, she'd make zero money, they could work her as long as they chose and there would be no time clock to prove it. The 16 hour days were killing her emotionally, spiritually and she was nothing but worn out. How was she to be effective if worn out? The brass urged her to hang in there, the new hires would be off orientation soon. She had lost her privilege to hire and train the new hires. She knew she was being punished for the incident in the spring. They'd send her out more often than not alone and on a patrol. Patrol had its upside though. She got out of the office and into the community. She met the very people she was protecting, got to know them, their habits, their hangouts, their names. She gave advice to the community while on the street; how to protect themselves, things to look out for. They asked what the one thing was that they could do to help or avoid problems in these new times. She advised them to legally obtain firearms, handle them responsibly and train to use them properly. She advised to always keep a watchful eye on the children to keep them out of harm's way.
In the morning when she roused from slumber in the office overnight room, her boss had her in the office in front of him, the commissioner and the mayor. They were not pleased. She felt run down. She needed coffee or some form of caffeinated beverage. She needed breakfast. She needed a shower and her makeup needed refreshing. She needed to redo the military bun and get out of that building. She cursed under her breath that she should have slept in the vehicle. She could have avoided all this bullshit.
"Have you been telling the people to buy guns and be ready to use them?"
"I am a firearm enthusiast. Every citizen who is legally allowed should own a firearm. If not allowed a firearm, then a knife or a bat or a bat with nails through it. People have to be vigilant in this day and age."
"Why would you tell them that?"
"Because it's true, for one. And for two, I need all the help I can get."
"There's liability, Keller, in giving that advice to citizens. Being vigilant turns the citizens into vigilantes." He paused. "If they take your advice to heart and something happens, then they'll be asking questions, looking to find fault. It'll come back on this team. We are there so that the citizens don't take matters into their own hands."
"That's dangerous." She said calmly. Her opinion mattered, she believed.
"The administration's opinion is your opinion. We all need to be on the same page, Julia." The commissioner stated.
"Do you realize how unsafe that opinion is? I'm alone with no back up doing 12 to 16 hour days every day for the last couple weeks. I'm only one person."
"Well, you'll have plenty of time to think about that over the next 3 days, because you're suspended."
She frowned. "Two or three large scale incidents at the same time could topple this county program with only one person is responsible for it." While they sat safe and sound at home, she busted her ass to maintain some level of normalcy in abnormal times.
"You should also think about whether you are the right person to be responsible for it."
"I think-"
"Stop thinking." Her boss interrupted.
The commissioner and the mayor both left the office, leaving her with Quinn, her boss. Once the door closed and they were out of ear shot, he took a seat behind his desk. He imparted on her that whatever our personal opinions and beliefs were, while in the office or on the job, that no longer applied. He reassured her she would come back after her 3 day suspension. He complimented her before she left, telling her she handles her shifts and her responsibilities professionally. She's their strongest in the field and he was amazed how well she bounced back once back from her leave.
She took her bag and went to her car where she sat alone and wept. Once she calmed down and the tears stopped, she drove to Wawa and got coffee and a breakfast sandwich and her own pack of cigarettes She ate in the car. She smoked 2 cigarettes on her drive home. Once she parked on the curb in front of Tavin's, started crying. She went inside and she showered. She cried for hours on and off as she accomplished chores she hadn't had time for over the last couple weeks. She started with laundry because it had piled up everywhere. Her room was a disgrace with empty cups, bowls and containers. When she didn't do this, it was evident to her that no one would. It pissed her off. She stripped her bed, washing the bedding after their clothes and uniforms. She wiped down surfaces and vacuumed, then tended to the kitchen, scrubbing the dishes, wiping down the counter tops and table. She opened the fridge and there was nothing to eat, not a left over in sight. Giving up on food, she sat at the table with her bible, her notebook and her highlighters and pen. She put her head in the book because she felt that was what she needed while she wept. She started in the gospels, specifically the Book of John.
In the beginning was the word and the word was with God and the word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made. In him was life, and life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
She read the entire gospel while doing laundry. The words comforted her and she had stopped crying.
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